I came across some of the funniest quotes from fundamentalists. I can’t decide which ones are funnier: the ones in which they attack scientific theories, or the ones where they interpret their own religion in the most absurd ways. You decide, here is the top 100.
Some of them are really sad. In those the person is actually criticizing the sciences with “good” questions but it is clear that never they had the chance to ask somebody who even read about the bit of the stuff they criticize. A simple calculation would answer their objections, but then again some of them really believe equations are evil and should be executed so I don’t know if it would have really helped at all. Well, anyway, here are some of my favorites and some of my comments on them. I will save the woman non-rights quotes for another post because they are too many.
“No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest “cover” of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.”
Trinidad and Tobago, CARM [Comments (212)] [2006-Oct-01]
I think he/she is afraid of rethinking Christianity only for the fear of converting to some sect of Islam.
“One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]”
awesomestnerd, SmashBoards [Comments (134)] [2005-Nov-07]
Well, this one is one big LOL. I mean, I know you don’t believe in science, but at least go out to the streets and look at the sky once in your life. I guess they got him/her totally locked in basement somewhere.
“Athiests as a Majority
This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I’m going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I’m going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it’s “not addictive.”
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!
The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.
ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I’m pregnant again. I guess I’ll just get another abortion, since “fetuses don’t count as human life.”
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don’t go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren’t finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that’s fine with me!
Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.
ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there’s a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We’ll be right there!
The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.
RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your’s! That’s because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!
Scary, isn’t it?”
The Prince of Pain, GameTalk [Comments (228)] [2007-Jan-01]
Now that was fun. Admit it. Don’t you wish to live as free as this? I am an atheist and am deeply deeply offended. For God’s sake, he/she can’t even spell “atheist” right.
“AIDS is caused by immoral behavior, not by a virus.”
disruptor, 123 Christian Forums [Comments (76)] [2006-Dec-06]
It won the “Proudly Marching Into the 16th Century Award.” A rare jem.
“I appreciate your recommendation, and it is intriguing, but as a pro-lifer, I cannot support an organization that is opposed to the death penalty.”
bar Jonah, Theology Web [Comments (69)] [2006-Jan-20]
I award it the “Can it get any more self-contradictory award”
“But God don’t talk in Arabic. He talks in a REAL language, namely, English. It’s true that back in them days He translated that to some other language after Speaking it in English, but after all, it’s His universe and He can do what He doggone well wants to do.”
DesertFox, Free Conservatives [Comments (108)] [2006-Dec-13]
I am sure DesertFox was blowing Iraqis in the Gulf War like a true believer. Those filthy speaking Iraqis, not exactly Arabic speaking, but close anyhow. Hey, God can’t tell, He only speaks English. But oh wait, He can translate so DesertFox sorry buddy, you got yourself screwed.
“What is called ‘Science’ today and ‘scientists’ consist of the same old gang of witch doctors, sorcerers, tellers of tales, the ‘Priest-Entertainers’ for the common people. ‘Science’ consists of a weird, way-out occult concoction of jibberish theory-theology… nothing good has ever come from ‘science’ — In fact, technology is not in any way related to the web of idiotic scientific theory. ALL inventors have been anti-science. The Wright brothers said: “Science theory held us up for years. When we threw out all science, started from experiment and experience, then we invented the airplane.” By the way, airplanes all fly level on this Plane earth!
The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)… but for a second can you imagine what these so-called ‘scientists would have us believe — If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH – A DREAM – A DELUSION – and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!
Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are ‘tiny.’ Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world… this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE… a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning “herd”… prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the “modern” superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: “It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories.” Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?”
KettleWhistle, Israel Forum [Comments (59)] [2007-Mar-02]
I presume this guy used a computer to type this post, but he/she still claims that nothing good comes from ‘science’. How can a person be more unworthy of money to buy technology which is beyond him/her and he/she excels in insulting the people making it?
COMPUTERS SMARTER THAN ATHEISTS
Even though computers aren’t capable of rational thought and know nothing about morals, yet they have more sense than the most learned atheist. Case and point: The other day while working on a PC, I began deleting unwanted files. There was an html file that showed all of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. Since it was a duplicate file, I decided to delete it also. When I clicked “delete”, the usual message came on the screen that said, “Are you sure you want to send the ‘TEN COMMANDMETS’ to the Recycle bin?” The question struck me very deeply because of how it was worded and for a moment I hesitated to delete the file. After clicking “yes”, a message box came up on the screen that said an illegal act had been performed by a program. Now what atheist or heathen has sense enough to think as correctly as that unthinking computer. Atheists do not think it’s an illegal act to try to destroy the TEN COMMANDMENTS.”
Robert T Lee, The 10 Commandments [Comments (91)] [2006-Sep-24]
Classic. I can’t find a better description. I am sure he/she was using the moral version of Windows not the sodomite/atheist version of Mac OS XXX.
“[Teens-4-Christ official rules]
NO DEBATING. Teens-4-Christ is not a ‘debate’ site. You will not change our minds, do not try. A quick read of Romans 1 will show that those who debate are in the company of adulterers, sodomites and murderers. Therefore, debating will not be allowed.
All posts contrary to the doctrinal beliefs this site was founded on are subject to being deleted at the discretion of management. Any posts supporting beliefs contrary to “What we believe” will be deleted…may result in banning of the poster.
God’s Word is the final authority on all matters.”
Bro. randy, Teens-4-Christ [Comments (85)] [2006-Nov-29]
Does this remind anybody of the Muslin Brotherhood’s in Egypt. No , I am not talking about “Islam is the solution”. I meant “Don’t argue, Brother Ali.”
“What part of I know that the bible is true because the bible tells me that it is true do you have trouble understanding?
Don’t you feel silly disagreeing with such a logical argument?
Love and blessings Don”
Don H, Yahoo Answers Religion & Spirituality [Comments (54)] [2007-Apr-01]
Tautologies are in fashion this season as well as blind faith. So hit the stores early, or you miss your chances.
Ok. I think ten is a good number.